Book # 2 is now available

January 8th

And then…it’s all over. 
Death enters the room. 

Another wave of grief arrives: the “my partner is gone” grief. 

This is the moment you truly understand what it means to be alone. You return to a house that no longer holds someone’s presence. Everything feels hollow. You don’t want to see or talk to anyone, yet being alone feels unbearable. You crave someone to talk to, someone who will listen, but your mind is spinning, and nothing makes sense. Your thoughts scatter in every direction. 

You even catch yourself thinking: 
If only I could leave this world too, to be with him again. 

And somewhere in the chaos, when a gentle soul finally names it for you, you realize: 
I am grieving. 

According to the Kübler-Ross model, grief has five stages: 

1.      Denial 

2.      Anger 

3.      Bargaining 

4.      Depression 

5.      Acceptance 

I felt none of these emotions when my Oma passed away, nor when my mother died. 
But after my husband’s death… Depression and Acceptance became the air I breathed. 

Thoughts haunted me: 
Did he know how much I loved him? 
Why did we argue about such trivial things? 
We should have spent more time together, talked more, and held each other longer. 
If I could speak to him one more time, I would tell him… 

The days leading up to the funeral (or celebration of life) are both endless and overwhelmingly busy. There are logistics to arrange, people to notify, flowers to order, food to organize, and a coffin to choose. During the day, the house fills with people paying their respects. 

But the nights… the nights stretch into forever. 

You can’t sleep. The house is too quiet. No one lies beside you. No one is snoring, coughing, or getting up in the middle of the night. 

You hear sounds you never noticed before.